Vantage point

Saturday, February 08, 2003

A friend of mine, Sharwari did not have an email address two years ago. So I sent this mail to her (to her friend's email address i.e) to convince her to create one. Stumbled on it as I was cleaning up the old mails in my hotmail inbox today. It was obviously written in the pre-spam-awareness days. =-)

Hi Madhura
Just pass this message on to Sharwari if you could.

Hi Sharwari,
While going through the proofs for the bigger roster, I realised that you are the only one who doesn't have an email address. I was shocked and surprised when I learnt of this fact. Considering that you are an aspiring Elex engineer like myself(only with a 2 year
phase lag), here are some virtues of an email address which might convince you to go for one.

First the smaller and trifler reasons-
a) It can help you get in touch with anyone anywhere in the world
b) It is the fastest and cheapest mode of communication
c) In today's jet-set world, an email ID is a must and so on,,,reasons which you will find in any manual which is there to educate adults about the advantages of the internet.

But let me give you an insight into the real plusses
of an email address.
1. Since you have this uncanny habit of packing your bags and leaving the country without really a word to your friends, the next time if you are going to Burundi, Malwai or Peru, you could always email people from there and describe your visit.
2. An email address doesn't bark, and you dont have to potty train it or take it out for a walk.
3. An email address doesnt have to be watered, weeded, seeded and fed with fertilisers.
4. An email address will not get jealous if you talk to other boys, nor will it start fuming when you take more than an hour to get ready for a dinner party.
5. An email ID doesn't sweat, keep talking about cricket or ogle at other females.
6. An email address is very environment-friendly and fits in all definitions of 'green'
7. If you ever get an urge to make 'prank calls' to anyone, 'prank emails' is a much more slick and sophisticated method for it and offers much more latitude in terms of mischief.
8. An email address does not tell you to clean up your room, pray to god, or drive your vehicle slowly.
9. An email address does not keep on teaching you Quantum Mechanics and Schroedinger's equations.
10. It doesn't take attendance and does not send letters to your parents.
11. An email address is much easier to remember than, say the method of preparation of nylon.
12. An email address doesnt ring your doorbell at 2:30 in the afternoon and ask you if you are interested in looking at the revolutionary earth shattering technique of cleaning kitchen sinks.
13. It does not beep in a movie hall and does not develop fungus.
14. You dont have to apply oil to it and braid it every morning.
15. Everytime you send anyone an email, your name Shar'w'ari will be prominently displayed and people will stop spelling it Sharvari or Sharworry or something like that.
16. An email address is a good listener and you can tell it all about your woes in life.
17. An email address does not get punctured, need not be serviced and doesnt stop working when it rains.
18. An email address will not kidnap your favourite Kannada actor and ask for ransom.
19. An email address does not sing Punjabi Bhangra songs (and this is a BIG virtue).
20. An email address does not fix cricket matches.
21. An email address doesn't cause the Prime Minister's office to be shifted to Bombay since it never requires a knee operation.
22. You dont have to bribe an email address.
23. You dont have to talk sweetly or flirt with an email address to get your job done.
24. An email ID is secular, democratic, progressive, feminist, sensitive, caring, non-interfering, and has many other qualities which you can discover only when you get one.
25. You can tell a friend Sardarji jokes using an email ID without fearing being bashed up by a Sikh who happened to overhear.
26. An email address doesn't want to be cuddled or petted.
27. It doesnt want its ears, nose or navel pierced and you dont have to buy it jewellery.

There are various other virtues which i can elaborate if you are not convinced about the utility, or rather the greatness of an email address. Hope you give it a thought,


p.s- I now realise that most of these things are applicable to a blog too.