Vantage point

Sunday, July 19, 2009

Pune Cops WIN Sakaal Times FAIL

This article from Sakaal Times had me rolling in laughter for a good half hour. I don't know which is funnier - the bizarre grammar and selection of words by whoever wrote/edited the article, the hilarity of the incident, or the earnestness of the cops in risking lives (their own and others') for a minor parking violation. I can't resist posting it here with annotations.

PUNE: In an incident taken straight from a Hindi potboiler, a Indian origin foreign national merrily drove past in his car dashing two bikes, with an Assistant Sub Inspector (ASI) clinging on to the bonnet, while a Deputy Commissioner of Police (DCP) firing rounds to stop his vehicle.

Merrily? Was he dressed up as Santa Claus? How do we know he was merry? Maybe he was doing it all with a heavy heart.

The high drama took place near Aurora towers in Camp on Sunday morning.

Wonder if the drama was classified as "high" because it took place near Aurora "towers(sic)"

The police have arrested the errant driver who was later identified as Kamal Jain (65) working as an advisor to managing director in the private company which is based at Shivajinagar, police said.

Now that's a sentence dripping with information - the culprit's name, age, designation, ownership of the company, and location of the company!

Jain an engineering qualified from Germany has been living in India since 12 years. The incident left five persons injured including the ASI.

What is "an engineering qualified"? An engineer? Diploma? Is Jain a branch of engineering by himself? Is he from Germany or was he "qualified from Germany"? The public would like to know!

According to the police, ASI V. B Jadhav was discharging his duties in the Camp when he spotted a Ford Icon (MH 14 AE 5131) in no- parking zone.

Heh, "discharging duties" is such a typically Indian official-ese phrase. And of course, an article where it doesn't belong, and one missing from where it should be.

“I was applying a car jammer when a person came from Aurora towers and sat in the car.

Applying??? ROFL!

He sped away towards me while I signaled him to stop.

He sped "away" AND "towards" him? Cunning!

I jumped on to the bonnet clinging on to the wipers”, said the injured Jadhav.

He hung on to the wipers the whole time? Must be the most resilient wipers in the world, to support a grown man's weight at high speeds!

Meanwhile, DCP Special Branch, Ravindra Sengaonkar was stationed in the area because of the VVIP presence in the city including the Vice President Hamid Ansari and BJP leader L K Advani.

How is the presence of "VVIP"s relevant? Sounds like one of those useless details from an FIR like in Mhais.

“I saw the traffic policeman on the bonnet which triggered suspicion that something was wrong.

What an observant man! Nothing gets by Sengaonkar, does it?

I followed the car with the siren on, but to no avail” Sengaonkar said.

Does that mean the siren did not turn on? Or that the car did not stop. But seriously Sengaonkar saheb, if a full-sized cop hanging from the wipers did not lead to any "avail" from the driver, what could a puny whiney siren do? If anything, the siren is a step backwards. Once bonnet-riding sub-inspectors enter the picture, you gotta up the ante.

Sengaonkar fired six rounds from his service revolver to deflate the tyre of Jain's car.

That's what I'm talkin' about, dude! Unleash some fire power at him!

“The car was traveling at a speed of about 70 to 80 kmph.

At this point, was young Jadhav still hanging on to the wipers? If so, tut-tut Sengaonkar! If you had actually managed to shoot straight and miraculously deflate a tyre, the car would have careened out of control, and at those speeds, it would have meant lifetime pension for Mrs. Jadhav.

I had to be cautious and wanted to stop him desperately as he dashed two bikes in front of me,” the DCP added. The car sped away towards Dorabjee chowk, later towards Nehru Memorial chowk and took a U-tun back towards Dorabjee chowk. He later sped towards ISKCON temple towards teen tofa chowk. The drama came to an end after the hot chase of about 2 km, when the car was waylaid by the DCP.

We demand more details. How exactly did the DCP "waylay" the car? Was Jadhav on the bonnet the whole time? Details please! This needs to be made into a movie.

The DCP flashed wireless messages about the runaway car. A team of police reached the spot and took Jain in to custody. Meanwhile, the injured couple Satish S Kanwalkar (42) and Neelima S Kanolkar (40) , both residents of Bhosari are recuperating at a private hospital. The ASI who sustained minor injuries was discharged after treatment while the two others on a two- wheeler have been hospitalised. The police are investigating the reason as to why the senior citizen tried to bolt from them.

Swaccha shuddhalekhan aahe!

Jain has been booked under sections 307 (attempt to murder), 332 (Voluntarily causing hurt to deter public servant from his duty), 336 (Act endangering life or personal safety of others) and 338 (Causing grievous hurt by act endangering life or personal safety of others).

Looks like he dodged the parking ticket after all! Which was kinda the point anyway. Kamal Jain WIN!

The incident which has sent ripples in the police department has triggered the question of the safety of traffic policemen.

What exactly is the nature of these ripples? And how does a question get triggered? Isn't there enough triggering in this whole incident already?

“This is the 49th traffic policeman this year which is a victim of a road rage” Joint Commissioner of Police Rajendra Sonawane said reacting to the incident.

Indeed, it's hard to be a cop in Pune. You're either a victim of road rage, or then you get pigs thrown at you.

DCP Sengaonkar and ASI Jadhav will be awarded a bravery medal for his valor and courageous action.

For "his" valor? If both are being awarded medals, it should be for "their" valor. Unless of course, they are being awarded the medals for Kamal Jain's valor and courageous action(sic). In which case, "his" works.