Vantage point

Friday, April 09, 2004

Reproduced without permission from "The Daily SomeAchaar"


Mayawati Launches TV Channel

Lucknow - Former UP Chief Minister, Mayawati, today announced the launch a new TV channel, BTV. This channel will address issues of the bahujan samaj.

"All the channels on air currently are Manuwadi", shrieked Mayawati talking to reporters. "These channels are nothing but vehicles to perpetuate the hidden agenda of high caste domination. BTV, i.e Bahujan TV, will attempt at empowering the bahujan samaj."

The flagship show of the channel would be a soap opera called "Kyunki Saans Bhi Kabhi Bahujan Thi", and the shooting will commence next week at Ambedkar Studios.

Talk of progress a ploy to divert attention from real issues, says Laloo

Patna - Addressing scribes at an impromptu press conference during his campaign, RJD Chief Laloo Prasad Yadav said that all this talk of progress, removing poverty, communal harmony, and social reforms was nothing but a means of diverting attention of the masses from the real issues. However when asked to elaborate what the real issues were, he declined to comment, and instead extolled the virtues of his new buffalo.

Declare Earth a Hindu Graha, demands VHP

New York - VHP Secretary Pravin Togadia today demanded that UN declare the earth a "Hindu Graha". He was speaking at a "Trishul Deeksha" organised by the VHP in the Queens suburb of New York.

"It is a well accepted fact that the earth was created by Brahma, who is a Hindu God. This means that all earthlings were Hindus. Over thousands of years, 5/6th of the population has been misguided by subversive streams of thought like Islam, Christianity, Taoism, etc. The UN should declare earth a "Hindu Graha"." he said.

In light of the tenure of Kofi Annan the present Secretary general of the UN coming to an end, Togadia said that VHP would support Shashi Tharoor's candidature for the post only if he endorsed their Hindutvawadi policies.

"Anybody who opposes Hindutva can never rule the UN." boomed Togadia.

Gollum joins BJP, Shrek joins Congress

New Delhi - Animated characters have also joined the political fold with Gollum joining the BJP and Shrek becoming a member of the Congress Party.

Gollum, accompanied by BJP President Venkaiah Naidu, announced his decision at a press conference in the capital today.

"We likesssssssssssssss the BJP." Gollum said, reading out a written statement. "We hatesssssssssss Sssssssssonia....we hatesssssssssss her!!"

The Congress Party retaliated by announcing the membership of Shrek. Shrek was accompanied by his wife Fiona, and a talking donkey as he filled the membership form at the Congress Headquarters. Later while talking to the media he said,

"My swamp is still full of cribbing creatures and the BJP talks of a Feel Good factor?"

When asked about the BJP's stand to introduce a legislation barring ogres from holding public office, Shrek declined to comment. However the donkey said "They scared of of Shrek, man, they scared!!".