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Tuesday, May 17, 2005

SomeAchaar - New Punishments from the ICC

London - The International Cricket Council today announced amendments to its rules, including some very harsh measures as penalties.

Now, for failing to complete overs in time, like Saurav Ganguly and Graeme Smith did, captains will be punished by the age-old deterrent - whipping. Captains will be whipped, with the number of lashes equalling the number of minutes by which the time exceeded the official limit.

If a bowler is repeatedly called for chucking, he will be punished by cutting off his bowling hand.

"This whole process of chucking, then going through tests, then being cleared, and then being called again is very wasteful for the ICC as well as the player", said Ehsan Mani, the head of the ICC. He claims that cutting off the hand will make things easier for all concerned.

Finally, excessive appealing, looking at the umpire too long for appealing, or not looking at the umpire for appealing will be punishable by burning at the stake. The ICC will also lay down the exact guidelines for appealing, with the number of seconds that a player must look at the umpire. There will also be decibel levels specified. If these levels, or the looking time, are either crossed, or not met, the player will be burnt at the stake.

Deflecting criticism that these measures are inhuman and unconstitutional, Mani said, "We gag players from talking to the media, talking about the umpiring, etc. No one has ever complained about it, even though freedom of speech is included in most constitutions as a fundamental right. Remember, the players sign contracts with us. Those who don't want to agree to these punishments are free to not play for cricket boards under the ICC."

The punishments will be administered by an ICC Elite Panel of Enforcers, who will be carefully hand-picked from all over the world. The ICC has already received over 500 applications from audi Arabia for inclusions into the Panel of Enforcers.