Vantage point

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

SomeAchaar - Maharashtra Govt to Ban Airports, Trains, Buses, Restaurants

Mumbai - The Maharashtra Deputy Chief Minister R.R. Patil today announced the shutdown of the Chhatrapati Shivaji International Airport, the Domestic Airport, Mumbai Port, Mumbai Suburban Railway, BEST bus services, and all restaurants in the city. The decision was taken after it was brought to Patil's notice that criminals frequent planes, trains, buses and restaurants.

This decision was taken after the stupendous success in reducing crime because of closure of dance bars. Justifying his decision to close dance bars, Patil had said "Criminals frequent these dance bars. Hence it is our duty to close them down." Sure enough, over 200 criminals who used to frequent these dance bars first went into depression, and then either surrendered to the police or moved to other cities, leading to a drsatic drop in the crime in Mumbai. A few criminals even vapourised into air on hearing of the closure of dance bars.

Enthusiastic NCP activists then set about to find other places that criminals frequent, and their findings were eye-opening. It was found that 100% of criminals who travel abroad to places like Dubai, Karachi and Malaysia, frequent the airport. It was also learnt that a high percentage of criminals use buses and local trains for commuting, and many of them had food in restaurants.

R.R. Patil, who is committed to reduction of crime in Maharashtra immediately announced ban on air travel, train travel, bus travel, and eating out in restaurants.

Sources inform us that a ban on the activity of "running" is also being contemplated, since criminals are known to run when police try to arrest them. Patil, it is learnt, is confident that a ban on running will help police catch criminals who get away.